• You can learn a lot about paranoid people just by following them around.

      Tags:
      • Paranoia
      30
      Permalink
    • If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord, his name would be Taxi Vader

      Tags:
      • Star Wars
      • Donald Trump
      20
      Permalink
    • Did you know if you hold your ear up to a strangers leg you can actually hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"

      20
      Permalink
    • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Birthday
      • Marriage
      20
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chuck Norris
      20
      Permalink
    • Any woman that thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

      Tags:
      • Heart
      20
      Permalink
    • I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they keep asking stupid questions like "Who are you?" and, "Is that a gun?"

      Tags:
      • Gun
      • Burglary
      20
      Permalink
    • "Of course I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.

      Tags:
      • Schizophrenia
      • Mental Health
      20
      Permalink
    • Why is it that when a woman sleeps with a bunch of guys, she is considered a slut, but when a man does it, he is considered gay?

      Tags:
      • Gay
      • Sex
      • Slut
      20
      Permalink
    • The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic load.

      Tags:
      • Hell
      • Heaven
      10
      Permalink
    • I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked."

      Tags:
      • DNA
      • Science
      10
      Permalink
    • Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.

      Tags:
      • Electricity
      10
      Permalink
    • My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other - so now it's just a waiting game.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      10
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chuck Norris
      10
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so ugly even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix it."

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      10
      Permalink
    • A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Bar
      • Programming
      10
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she asked if her drug test was multiple choice.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      10
      Permalink
    • Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      10
      Permalink
    • I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.

      Tags:
      • Wine
      • Drunk
      • Alcohol
      10
      Permalink
    • After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,

      I wish I'd never put it on now.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Wife
      10
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat she thought planet Earth was her stomach.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Idiot
      10
      Permalink
    • She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      10
      Permalink
    • I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

      10
      Permalink
    • Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95 Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      10
      Permalink
    • If we're all God's Children, what's so special about Jesus ?

      Tags:
      • God
      • Jesus
      10
      Permalink
    • Germany vs. Brazil in the 2014 World Cup.

      Tags:
      • Brazil
      • Soccer
      • Germany
      • World Cup
      10
      Permalink
    • I got fired from the calendar factory just because I took a few days off...

      10
      Permalink
    • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?", laughs at his own joke, then calls animal control.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      10
      Permalink
    • I used to play Skyrim but then I took an arrow in the knee. Then, I played MW3 until I took a bullet in the elbow. And now, I'm in the hospital wondering why people keep harming me.

      Tags:
      • Hospital
      10
      Permalink
    • your mama is so fat that she weighs 261 pounds.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      10
      Permalink
    • I tell everyone I can about the health benefits of eating dried grapes.

      It's all about raisin awareness.

      Tags:
      • Fruit
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms.

      Like the girl I'm going out with insists on calling me just "friend" instead of "boyfriend".

      Tags:
      • Gender
      • Boyfriend
      • Friend Zone
      00
      Permalink
    • It's a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.

      Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I identify as an elongated fish.

      People say I'm mentally eel.

      Tags:
      • Mental Health
      00
      Permalink
    • Anti-Vaxx parents hate it when you call their toddler's outbursts a "temper tantrum."

      They prefer the term "mid-life crisis."

      Tags:
      • Children
      • Vaccination
      00
      Permalink
    • I, for one, like Roman numerals

      Tags:
      • Roman
      • Number
      00
      Permalink
    • People ask me why I'm so nervous around trees, and I always have the same answer

      "They just seem really shady."

      Tags:
      • Tree
      00
      Permalink
    • I've been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I'm an airport building.

      I hope it's not terminal.

      Tags:
      • Airport
      • Mental Health
      00
      Permalink
    • Apparently I snore so loud that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Sleep
      • Driving
      • Snoring
      00
      Permalink
    • Monday - Greg
      Tuesday - Ian
      Wednesday - Greg
      Thursday - Ian
      Friday - Greg
      Saturday - Ian
      Sunday - Greg

      The Gregorian calendar.

      Tags:
      • Calendar
      00
      Permalink
    • I keep asking people what LGBT means.

      I never get a straight answer.

      00
      Permalink
    • My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her.

      Instead I just swam for the surface.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • As a programmer, I would make a UDP joke

      But you might not get it.

      Tags:
      • Programming
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm entering into the world's tightest hat competition

      I hope I can pull it off.

      00
      Permalink
    • My wife was just conned into buying an awful used mirror.

      It reflects poorly on her.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Mirror
      00
      Permalink
    • I just arrived in Australia to surprise my fiance.

      She's in London and the wedding's tomorrow.

      Tags:
      • Wedding
      00
      Permalink
    • My imaginary friend's coming to stay tonight.

      So I made up a bed for him.

      00
      Permalink
    • My mailman buddy tells a lot of jokes about undelivered letters.

      But no one seems to get them.

      Tags:
      • Mail
      00
      Permalink
    • I hate it when guys call their girlfriends "partner in crime."

      Like we get it bro, she's under-age.

      Tags:
      • Girlfriend
      00
      Permalink
    • Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.

      Tags:
      • Cat
      00
      Permalink
    • If there was a competition for saggy tits, my wife would beat everyone.

      In fact, she'd wipe the floor with them.

      Tags:
      • Breast
      00
      Permalink
    • This morning at work my boss told me to "have a great day."

      So I went to the pub.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Boss
      • Work
      00
      Permalink
    • My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

      But in the end, he came around.

      Tags:
      • Earth
      00
      Permalink
    • People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves

      00
      Permalink
    • I was just voted "Least Likely to Succeed" by my graduating class.

      I hate being a teacher.

      Tags:
      • Teacher
      00
      Permalink
    • The early bird gets the worm.

      But the second mouse gets the cheese

      00
      Permalink
    • My friends and I experimented with sex and drugs when we were in high school.

      I was the control group.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Drug
      • High School
      00
      Permalink
    • A giant globe fell on my son's face.

      He's currently in hospital with sphere injuries.

      Tags:
      • Hospital
      00
      Permalink
    • Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool...

      Wooden tit?

      Tags:
      • Breast
      00
      Permalink
    • If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

      00
      Permalink
    • For Halloween, a classmate dressed up as a stormtrooper and shot up the school.

      Don't worry, no one got hurt.

      Tags:
      • Gun
      • School
      • Halloween
      • Star Wars
      00
      Permalink
    • When my girlfriend told me that her fantasy was to be abducted, I thought she was joking.

      But she demands to be taken, seriously!

      Tags:
      • Girlfriend
      00
      Permalink
    • The other day I brought myself a universal remote and thought to myself well this changes everything.

      00
      Permalink
    • I recently joined a nudist colony.

      The first few days were the hardest.

      Tags:
      • Nudist
      • Erection
      00
      Permalink
    • I once went on a date with a cross-eyed girl.

      It turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

      Tags:
      • Dating
      • Eyesight
      00
      Permalink
    • I got a job as a bullet.

      I was fired immediately.

      Tags:
      • Gun
      • Job
      • Fired
      00
      Permalink
    • Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"

      Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"

      Tags:
      • Golf
      00
      Permalink
    • After kissing a girl on her sofa she said, "Let's take this upstairs."

      "Ok," I said, "You grab one end and I'll grab the other."

      Tags:
      • Furniture
      00
      Permalink
    • Studies say obesity is the main cause of erectile dysfunction.

      Time to get jogging ladies.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Erection
      • Exercise
      00
      Permalink
    • My girlfriend says she can't cope with delivering any more babies.

      I think it's just a midwife crisis.

      Tags:
      • Baby
      • Birth
      • Girlfriend
      00
      Permalink
    • Shout out to the people who are wondering what the opposite of in is.

      00
      Permalink
    • My girlfriend said she didn't think it was possible to seriously injure yourself by masturbating.

      But I managed to pull it off.

      Tags:
      • Masturbation
      00
      Permalink
    • Why don't attractive Spanish people use umbrellas?

      Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.

      Tags:
      • Spanish
      00
      Permalink
    • What I if told you.

      You read the first line wrong.

      Tags:
      • Reading
      00
      Permalink
    • My granddad died because the report said he had Type-A blood.

      Unfortunately, it was a Type-O.

      Tags:
      • Blood
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • Today I have officially been sober for one hundred days.

      But not like, in a row or anything.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      • Sobriety
      00
      Permalink
    • My sister just had a baby boy, and they've decided to call him Mark, but with a C.

      What kind of name is Cark?

      Tags:
      • Baby
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm trying to be a sociopath, but I'm not that great in manipulating people.

      I'm more of a so-so path.

      Tags:
      • Mental Health
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm scared of Ï€.

      It's an irrational fear.

      Tags:
      • Math
      00
      Permalink
    • My mum walked in my room and said, "You'll go blind if you do that!"

      I was so embarrassed, I dropped my binoculars and missed the eclipse.

      Tags:
      • Blindness
      00
      Permalink
    • My first girlfriend was a tennis player, but she broke my heart.

      It was like love meant nothing to her.

      Tags:
      • Tennis
      • Girlfriend
      00
      Permalink
    • 31 years ago today the doctor delivered me.

      I can't believe I've survived so long without a liver.

      Tags:
      • Anatomy
      00
      Permalink
    • My deaf wife just told me that "we need to talk."

      That was not a good sign.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Deafness
      00
      Permalink
    • I like waiters.

      They bring a lot to the table.

      Tags:
      • Restaurant
      00
      Permalink
    • I had a threesome last night.

      There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.

      Tags:
      • Threesome
      00
      Permalink
    • Feminists just want to be treated equally.

      To the pretty ones.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Feminism
      00
      Permalink
    • I would never vaccinate my kids!

      I would rather have a doctor do that.

      Tags:
      • Vaccination
      00
      Permalink
    • I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think through it.

      Turns out two heads are better than one.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Vegetable
      00
      Permalink
    • I just watched a program about beavers.

      It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Beaver
      00
      Permalink
    • I have this weird talent where I can identify what's inside a wrapped present.

      It's a gift.

      Tags:
      • Present
      00
      Permalink
    • If you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?

      Tags:
      • Smurf
      00
      Permalink
    • Iron Man is a very confusing character.

      I know he's a guy, but he also been Fe Male.

      Tags:
      • Iron Man
      00
      Permalink
    • If there are any guitar players here who want to know just one thing about making the best of their instrument....

      Stay tuned.

      Tags:
      • Guitar
      00
      Permalink
    • My bald surgeon is the most charismatic man I've ever met.

      He's a real smooth operator.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • I once swallowed a dictionary

      It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

      Tags:
      • Word
      • Language
      00
      Permalink
    • 62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

      Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

      Tags:
      • Kentucky
      00
      Permalink
    • If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

      Tags:
      • Baby
      00
      Permalink
    • I can't believe that even after 20 years, people are still making references to "Friends".

      No one told me life was gonna be this way.

      Tags:
      • Television
      00
      Permalink
    • I call my weed "The Quran".

      Because burning it will get you stoned.

      Tags:
      • Quran
      • Marijuana
      00
      Permalink
    • I tell dad jokes, but have no kids.

      I'm a faux pa.

      00
      Permalink
    • I just bought a border collie.

      The one I already had wasn't bored enough.

      Tags:
      • Dog
      00
      Permalink
    • I looked up opaque in the dictionary

      But the definition is unclear.

      Tags:
      • Word
      • Dictionary
      00
      Permalink
    • My wife refuses to go to Karaoke with me.

      I guess I'll have to duet alone.

      Tags:
      • Karaoke
      00
      Permalink
    • My friend has a butler with a missing left arm.

      Serves him right.

      Tags:
      • Amputation
      00
      Permalink
    • I've recently got a job making chess pieces.

      I'm currently working knights.

      Tags:
      • Chess
      00
      Permalink
    • It's very rare that a defibrillator fails.

      But when it happens no one is shocked.

      00
      Permalink
    • I've just seen the new Batman trailer...

      But I prefer the Batmobile.

      Tags:
      • Batman
      00
      Permalink
    • Plastic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

      Nowadays if you talk about botox nobody raises an eyebrow.

      Tags:
      • Plastic Surgery
      00
      Permalink
    • My wife is amazing in bed.

      She can fall asleep within minutes no matter how loud the TV is on.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Sleep
      00
      Permalink
    • I was going through airport security and I got asked "Do you have any firearms?"

      For future reference, "What do you need?" isn't the right answer.

      Tags:
      • Gun
      • Airport
      • Security
      00
      Permalink
    • If you're ever skydiving and your parachute fails to open, don't panic.

      You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it.

      Tags:
      • Sky Diving
      00
      Permalink
    • Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

      Tags:
      • Lazy
      • Working out
      00
      Permalink
    • Diet programs can be very profitable.

      They appeal to a very wide audience.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Weight Loss
      00
      Permalink
    • As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "You know, one would have been enough."

      Tags:
      • Father
      • Birthday
      00
      Permalink
    • The only thing that flat-earthers have to fear...

      Is sphere itself.

      Tags:
      • Earth
      00
      Permalink
    • What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, always has 6 letters, but never has 5 letters.

      Tags:
      • Spelling
      00
      Permalink
    • Bullets are so weird.

      They only do their job AFTER they're fired.

      Tags:
      • Gun
      • Fired
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm starting a minimalist orchestra.

      It's just like a regular orchestra but without the bells and whistles.

      Tags:
      • Music
      00
      Permalink
    • Is it really possible to have a "civil" war?

      Tags:
      • Civil War
      00
      Permalink
    • I've been trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament, but it's not easy.

      Good players are hard to find.

      Tags:
      • Game
      00
      Permalink
    • A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 97% are too lazy to actually read that number.

      Tags:
      • Lazy
      00
      Permalink
    • My wife gets really upset at me for hiding kitchen utensils.

      But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

      Tags:
      • Kitchen
      00
      Permalink
    • The only reason I took up running was to hear heavy breathing again.

      Tags:
      • Running
      00
      Permalink
    • The only balanced diet I like is a beer in each hand.

      Tags:
      • Beer
      • Diet
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • If you are what you eat.

      I'm fast, cheap, and easy

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Slut
      00
      Permalink
    • If pronouncing my B's as V's makes me sound Russian...

      Then Soviet.

      00
      Permalink
    • The First Lady was asked if she bleaches her asshole.

      "No," she replied. "He gets spray tanned."

      Tags:
      • Donald Trump
      • Melania Trump
      00
      Permalink
    • If I were rich I would give most of my money to the poor.

      But I'm poor, so I give most of my money to the rich.

      Tags:
      • Poor
      • Rich
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Two elephants meet a naked guy.

      After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"

      Tags:
      • Penis
      • Elephant
      00
      Permalink
    • It takes balls to be a transvestite.

      Tags:
      • Testicle
      00
      Permalink
    • The difference between high school and prison is that no one wanted me during high school.

      Tags:
      • Jail
      • High School
      00
      Permalink
    • My wife told me she thought we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic.

      I told her 'I think you mean fewer'.

      Tags:
      • Language
      00
      Permalink
    • Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water

      so please if you are drowning children, don't waste water.

      Tags:
      • Murder
      • Children
      • Drowning
      00
      Permalink
    • Kids in my street are having a water fight and I can't help but join in.

      Just waiting on the kettle to boil and I'll be straight out.

      Tags:
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • I went to the bookstore and asked for a book about turtles.

      "Hardback?" asked the worker.

      "Yeah," I said. "And little heads."

      Tags:
      • Book
      • Turtle
      • Bookstore
      00
      Permalink
    • Animal testing is a terrible idea.

      They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm a virgin by choice!

      Just not my choice.

      Tags:
      • Virginity
      00
      Permalink
    • Do you ever get half way through eating a horse and you realise you weren't as hungry as you thought?

      Tags:
      • Horse
      00
      Permalink
    • I got fired from my job at Pepsi.

      I tested positive for Coke.

      Tags:
      • Soda
      • Pepsi
      • Coca Cola
      00
      Permalink
    • When the wheel was invented, it started a revolution.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Where there's a will, there's a relative.

      Tags:
      • Will
      00
      Permalink
    • My ex-wife had my name tattooed on her boob, but she had it removed.

      I've been erased from her mammary.

      Tags:
      • Relationship
      • Breast
      • Tattoo
      00
      Permalink
    • I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize!

      Tags:
      • Nobel Prize
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm going to live forever or die trying!

      Tags:
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • I just inherited some dried grapes.

      I've put them in my currant account.

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's so fat the only time she sees "90210" is when she's on a scale.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • If you don't have friends, just tell a woman that you love her, and she'll tell you you're just friends.

      Tags:
      • Women
      • Friend Zone
      00
      Permalink
    • No matter how much you push the envelope, it will always remain stationary.

      Tags:
      • Mail
      00
      Permalink
    • Research shows that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.

      Tags:
      • Dwarf
      • Snow White
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Psychic wanted.

      You know where to apply.

      Tags:
      • Psychic
      00
      Permalink
    • My email password has been hacked again.

      That's the third time I've had to rename my cat.

      Tags:
      • Cat
      • Password
      00
      Permalink
    • Like most people my age, I'm 23.

      00
      Permalink
    • I remember my grandfather's last words he said to me before he kicked the bucket...

      "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

      Tags:
      • Grandfather
      00
      Permalink
    • Did you know that the Supreme Court is just a regular court with sour cream?

      Tags:
      • Court
      • Supreme Court
      00
      Permalink
    • A man walks into a pole and freezes to death.

      Tags:
      • Cold
      00
      Permalink
    • If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills?

      Tags:
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, or chat about Thesaurus Club.

      Tags:
      • Language
      00
      Permalink
    • Vegans with children named 'Hunter' are why I lie awake at night.

      Tags:
      • Vegan
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • 1, 2, buckle my shoe.

      3, 4, shut the door.

      5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

      Tags:
      • Poetry
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris is the only man who's been to the "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath and Beyond.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Cinderella played backwards is about a woman who learns her place.

      Tags:
      • Cinderella
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so ugly, she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Transgender
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Toilet
      • Johnny Cash
      00
      Permalink
    • Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, but he changed his name when the pressure got to him.

      00
      Permalink
    • If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the pool the water jumped out!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • I know of no one who is happily married, except my husband.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • If it weren't for marriage, women would have to spend most of their adult lives arguing with complete strangers.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."

      "Thank you very much, sir."

      Tags:
      • Military
      00
      Permalink
    • Wife to husband: 'Let's go out and have some fun tonight!'

      Husband: 'Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.'

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Marriage is spending the rest of you life with someone

      you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.

      Tags:
      • Baby
      • Wife
      • Husband
      • Birthday
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • If you want your wife to pay attention to every word you say, try talking in your sleep.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • There's a lot to be said about marriage, but we try not to say it in front of the children.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't check under his bed for monsters, monsters check on top of the bed to see if Chuck Norris is sleeping.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it...

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • My wife has a contract to give lectures – it's called a marriage licence.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The best way to make somebody remember you is to borrow money from them.

      00
      Permalink
    • My wife keeps telling me I shouldn't pee in the bath – or if I really have to I should at least wait till she gets out.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • A cop once pulled Chuck Norris over...Luckily, the cop left only with a warning.

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • "A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes."

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Husband
      • Marriage
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can make scissors beat rock.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet...he scares the shit out of it.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      00
      Permalink
    • Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.

      Tags:
      • Family
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.

      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone

      Tags:
      • Telephone
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a salad? The salad is dressed.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't tell lies. He changes facts.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

      Tags:
      • Wedding
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris cut's a knife with butter.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.

      Tags:
      • Politics
      • Telephone
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris uses a stunt double during crying scenes.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."

      "No, just your daughter's head," I replied.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris donates his beard clippings to the Army so they can make Kevlar vests.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris protects his body guards.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Driving
      00
      Permalink
    • I can't tell if I'm depressed or just an adult.

      Tags:
      • Health
      00
      Permalink
    • Men are divided into two groups: 50% are wise and 50% have married.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can put out a fire using nothing but gasoline.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris enters into a courtroom, the judge stands up.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • A total eclipse won't look directly at Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • history
      • Computer
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa. Peacefully and asleep.

      Unlike the passengers in his car.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Death
      • Sleep
      • Driving
      • Old People
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When I reached to a desert island I didn't find anybody; so I turned home!

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Desert Island
      00
      Permalink
    • Sticks and stones may break your bones, but Chuck Norris' glare will liquify your kidney.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When a woman gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream 7.1 sound system, he's called a pervert.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Women
      • Masturbation
      00
      Permalink
    • The only qualification for working at an airline is making a confused face at a monitor.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Travel
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can flip a coin and make it land on both sides at the same time.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as "The Peas."

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"

      Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"

      Tags:
      • Women
      • Holiday
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once shot someone with a knife.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI...

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Internet
      00
      Permalink
    • Me: "I'm finally happy!"

      Life: "Lol, wait a sec."

      00
      Permalink
    • Music teacher tells Peter:

      "I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music."

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Teacher
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.

      Tags:
      • Airplane
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!

      Tags:
      • Holiday
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Hypocrisy: When a Jehovah's Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.

      Tags:
      • Halloween
      • Religion
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris shot a man to death with an unloaded nerf gun.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • If Chuck Norris was a spartan the movie would be called "1".

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."

      Tags:
      • Funeral
      • Dark Humor
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris built the hospital in which he was born.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The Statue of Liberty is alive, but Chuck Norris told her not to move.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Travel
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • "My parachute did not work."

      Said no one ever.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • If Chuck Norris was in a video game it would be called Immortal Kombat.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Wine
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, the homeless give it back.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace the monitor's wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Computer
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris runs until the Treadmill gets tired.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When batman is in trouble, he turns on the Chuck Norris signal.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      00
      Permalink
    • Night time... when Chuck Norris tells the sun it's time for bed.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • 75% of women do not eat after 6... shots.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Travel
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security

      Tags:
      • Airplane
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter.

      Tags:
      • Internet
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.

      Tags:
      • Christmas
      • Insulting
      11
      Permalink
    • CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      • Time
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris threw rocks into the ocean and named them Hawaii

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Lawyer
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice Doggy", until your sniper gets the range.

      Tags:
      • Military
      00
      Permalink
    • When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Doctor
      • Memory
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so stupid that she brought a ruler to bed to see how long she could sleep.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Clark Kent had to call himself "Superman" because "Chuck Norris" was already taken.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • yo moma so stupid when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV she chased after them shouting "wait you forgot the remote".

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.

      Tags:
      • Facebook
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • You know your fucked when the Asian says, "shit", during the test.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      • School
      00
      Permalink
    • Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

      Tags:
      • Facebook
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.

      Tags:
      • War
      • Game
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Money
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • When I arrived at a hotel in order to fill in my identities I noticed the word "sex" so I wrote: YES PLEASE.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Travel
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Cat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamas so fat that when she stepped on a scale, buzz lightyear came out and said "to infinity and beyond!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris takes a meteor shower in the morning to freshen up.

      Tags:
      • Science
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's the fat.

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat when she fell, no one laughed, but the ground started cracking up.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • If the customer is always right, then why isn't everything free?

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final inspection.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

      00
      Permalink
    • Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Science
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project.

      Tags:
      • Science
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The Grimm Reaper fears the day Chuck Norris comes for him.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

      Tags:
      • Science
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat when she went to the circus the little girl asked if she could ride the elephant.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Elephant
      00
      Permalink
    • Film makers are smart enough NOT to make a Chuck Norris movie in 3D.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so ugly, when she went to a stripping club, they paid her to keep her clothes on.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.

      Tags:
      • gym
      • Health
      • Geography
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Before his rise to fame, Jaws was Chuck Norris's goldfish.

      Tags:
      • Fish
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident, but he still managed to walk it off.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • If you rate this kickass, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.

      Tags:
      • Airplane
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat that Weight Watchers said I give up.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so fat...

      That she broke a branch in her family tree!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Family
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat every time she sits down they add another country to the map.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

      Tags:
      • Dog
      • Relationship
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."

      Tags:
      • Game
      • Santa
      • Children
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • Sundials tell the time according to the position of Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris donates blood he refuses the needle, he asks for a knife and a bucket.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid, she returned a doughnut cause it had a hole in it.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The winner of tonight's election is the Voyager space probe which is currently traveling at 62,137 km per hour away from the Earth into interstellar space.

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Politics
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat she downloads cheats for Wii Fit.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat Mount Everest tried to climb her.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • My girlfriend is like February 30th, she doesn't exist.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Insulting
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Work
      • Music
      00
      Permalink
    • The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

      Tags:
      • Old People
      00
      Permalink
    • 90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Work
      • Computer
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris beat Halo 3 on legendary, with a broken Guitar Hero controller.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.

      Tags:
      • Office
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris was a baby he didn't have teddy bears. He had real bears.

      Tags:
      • Baby
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • A body in motion will remain in motion until roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris finished the Never Ending Story.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When nature calls Chuck Norris hangs up.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • "What were you in civilian life, soldier?"

      "Happy, sir."

      Tags:
      • Military
      00
      Permalink
    • James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris forgets something it ceases to exist.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.

      Tags:
      • gym
      • Fitness
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Bruce Springsteen calls Chuck Norris 'The Boss'.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once won a Scrabble tournament despite getting only Z's and Q's in his rack.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so fat...

      That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      11
      Permalink
    • The role of terminator was originally played by Chuck Norris, but they decided against it as no-one would want to shit their pants for two hours strait.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Sand is created by Chuck Norris shouting at rocks.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris uses a gun to be humane.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris invented zombies so that he can kill his victims again.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Children
      • Internet
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can speak braille.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Three seconds after Chuck Norris was shot, the bullet came out screaming.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris never wears steel toe boots, they make his roundhouse kicks softer.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris gets pulled over he read the officers his rights.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she burped New Orleans thought Katrina came back to finish the job.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Weather
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yes, money cannot buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.

      00
      Permalink
    • They wanted to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can spit through bulletproof glass.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid she tried to make an appointment with Dr.pepper

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • There are no such things as Chuck Norris haters...just people with short lives.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't walk away from explosions, explosions walk away from Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't need a bullet proof vest because the bullets wouldn't dare hit him.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Ugly
      • Wife
      • Halloween
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris CAN leave Hotel California.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • An eclipse is just the suns attempt to hide from Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma is so fat, her husband has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Husband
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • If Chuck Norris met Dora the Explorer, he'd introduce her to his Boots.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris understood the ending of Lost.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once climbed Mt Everest by accident.

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.

      00
      Permalink
    • Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

      Tags:
      • Chemistry
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris teaches math to solve its own problems.

      Tags:
      • Math
      • Teacher
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat that when she wore a red shirt, people said hey look koolaid.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can walk on water..,he's not God...the water is just afraid of getting him wet.

      Tags:
      • God
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris got a homerun in bowling.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat, she needs two Facebook accounts for her profile picture.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid, when I offered her animal crackers she said no thanks, I'm a vegetarian.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can win a Grammy from coughing.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Home is where the wifi connects automatically.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris plays Nazi Zombies it's the Zombies who build barriers.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can tap dance though a mine field... wearing clown shoes.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The most effective way to remember to buy something to your wife for St. Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Memory
      • Valentines day
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris was a comedian, but everyone started to die of laughter.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid that she bought curtains for her computer just because it had Windows.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."

      00
      Permalink
    • Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Science
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Keep your friends close, and your enemies close to Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris!

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid, the password needed 8 characters, so she put Snow white and the 7 dwarves.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • There was no Big Bang at the beginning of the Universe, Chuck Norris simply sneezed.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris goes skydiving at 10,000 feet he jumps into the plane... from the ground.

      Tags:
      • Airplane
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't beat around the bush, he beats up the bush.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Sex is like air – it's not important until you're not getting any.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Saw this bumper sticker in L.A. - "I'm not drunk, I'm Asian"

      Tags:
      • Asian
      • Racist
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.

      Tags:
      • War
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Police
      • Telephone
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can fly a submarine.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      • Aviation
      00
      Permalink
    • Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.

      Tags:
      • Weather
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so fat she eats ice cream with a shovel.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Science
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris finds it impossible to understand the concept of impossibility.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Davie Jones is afraid of Chuck Norris' Locker.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.

      Tags:
      • Dog
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.

      Tags:
      • Business
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Once Chuck Norris signed a cheque and the bank bounced.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Love is one way to get to a persons heart the other is Chuck Norris' fists.

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

      Tags:
      • Boss
      • Pope
      00
      Permalink
    • Wife: "There's something preying on my mind."

      Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris kills 100% of germs.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris kicked the world once, it hasn't stopped spinning.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Jail
      00
      Permalink
    • When Neil Armstrong first landed on the moon he saw aliens worshiping Chuck Norris's footprints.

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.

      Tags:
      • Science
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • It's a proven fact that you will go blind faster staring at a picture of Chuck Norris than you would staring at the sun.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • If Chuck Norris was on Minute to Win it, they would need 59 seconds of filler.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris donated his heart to a hospital... twice.

      Tags:
      • Hospital
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.

      Tags:
      • Science
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't prepare dinner; dinner knows when to be ready.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • "You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Beauty
      • Relationship
      • Friend
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I used to think maths was useless, but then one day I realised that decimals had a point.

      Tags:
      • Math
      00
      Permalink
    • The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      • Computer
      • Internet
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Wife
      • Women
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Put tape over the optical sensor of someone's mouse.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • Never hold in a fart; that's something an asshole would do.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat, the army used her pants for a parachute.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Military
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?

      Tags:
      • School
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me maam, but the tide wants to come in."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Weather
      00
      Permalink
    • "Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Wedding
      • Children
      • Fathers day
      00
      Permalink
    • Evolution's driving mechanism is nature's desperate attempt to escape Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Remove the shower head and place a chicken bouillon cube in it, then put the head back on.

      Tags:
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

      Tags:
      • New Year
      • Friend
      00
      Permalink
    • Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Chuck Norris can curve a laser.

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris won the Boston marathon in New York.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.

      Tags:
      • War
      • Hunting
      00
      Permalink
    • In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Women
      • Politics
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once donated blood to a man, hes' known as Super Man.

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The Dead Sea was once alive before Chuck Norris bathed there.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once fell off a ladder, it immediately became a chair and caught him out of fear.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Death
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma is so fat she doesn't need the internet to be worldwide.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church... everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      • Church
      • Dating
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma so ugly she gave Freddy Kruger nightmares.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.

      Tags:
      • Politics
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris isn't a good shot, his bullets just know better than to miss.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!"

      Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Women
      • Dating
      • Travel
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to clear his sinuses.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.

      Tags:
      • Telephone
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.

      Tags:
      • War
      • Death
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.

      Tags:
      • Relationship
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris would have attacked the Death Star with the Shield Generator still up.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Hardest job in the world: police sketch artist in China.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Asian
      • Police
      • Geography
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat she got a parking ticket for standing at a crosswalk.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can close Pandora's Box.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can pop scissors with a balloon.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • King Kong climbed the Empire State Building because Chuck Norris was waiting at the bottom.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Work
      • School
      • Student
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can get a strike in bowling using a ping-pong ball.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.

      00
      Permalink
    • My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.

      Tags:
      • Father
      • Dog
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • After twelve years of carrying books to school, you're well prepared for a career in backpacking.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Work
      • School
      • graduation
      00
      Permalink
    • My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

      Tags:
      • Asian
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris takes care of his guardian angel.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat when she left the room everyone could breathe again.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • NASA is negotiating with Chuck Norris about using his roundhouse kick as a propulsion to get to Mars.

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than Snoop Dogg tour bus.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • If you think you have shitty job, what if you were toilet paper!

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      • Computer
      • Programming
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris always wins at Jenga, the tower couldn't dare to crumble.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When you come to a road that says "ONE WAY", that mean Chuck Norris is the other way.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can take the bridge to nowhere and actually reach his destination.

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris's urine is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Time
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris actually painted all of the colors of the wind.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can speak French in Russian.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris puts all of his baskets in one egg.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sport
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Heaven
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once leaned on the Tower of Pisa...

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can skip a track on a cassette.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • When the metal detector goes off at the airport, it is just verifying Chuck Norris walked through.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Game
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, she buys clothes in three sizes: large, extra large, and "Oh my God, it's coming towards us!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • God
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can straighten a circle.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces.

      Tags:
      • Game
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris is so fast that when he runs, he can see his back.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can get breakfast at McDonald's after 11, at Taco Bell.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris is the greatest thing, period, despite his invention of sliced bread.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Only Chuck Norris can tell you the answer to your question before you ask it.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Even though Chuck Norris' lives in Dallas, Texas, his house still has spectacular views of both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros without using the jump button.

      Tags:
      • Game
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so hairy, King Kong got jealous.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so stupid she tried to eat her iPhone because it had an apple on it!

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so fat she was going to Wal-Mart tripped over kmart and landed right on target!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Dreams about Chuck Norris are in 4D.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Patient: "Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness."

      Doctor: "You can pay by cash, cheque or MONEY order."

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid she stuck her face into a book to make a Facebook.

      Tags:
      • Facebook
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can smoke underwater.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can choke you to life.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?

      Tags:
      • Facebook
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.

      Tags:
      • Baby
      00
      Permalink
    • With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon's computer system.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      • Technology
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris once replied to a 'no-reply' mail, and got the answer he wanted.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't shave, his beard grows to the perfect length and stops.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris sleeps until he tells the sun to get up.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Bob the Builder asks if we can fix it, Chuck Norris already did.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Give Chuck Norris a piece of coal and he'll give you back a diamond.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mommas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Animal
      • Family
      00
      Permalink
    • The only exercise I have done this month... is running out of money.

      Tags:
      • gym
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

      Tags:
      • Military
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama got one eye and one leg. We call her IHOP.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama so stupid she put a peephole in a glass door!

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mum is so fat when she sat at the back of the bus it pulled a wheelie.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Doctor to Patient: "Don't worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      • Health
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Hey girl, your body reminds me of McDonald's, because I'm loving it!

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Love
      • Beauty
      00
      Permalink
    • In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Wife
      • Dirty
      • Funeral
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip-flops.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Relationship
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tail lights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Politics
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat.

      Tags:
      • God
      • Fart
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."

      00
      Permalink
    • A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • New Year
      00
      Permalink
    • You might be a redneck if you're invited to a come as you party and you show up naked.

      Tags:
      • Party
      • Redneck
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Paint a bar of soap completely with clear nail polish so it won't suds up.

      Tags:
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.

      Tags:
      • Politics
      00
      Permalink
    • Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Game
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • Status

      I didn't fall down, I attacked the floor.

      Tags:
      • Facebook
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid, she was looking for bluetooth at the orthodontist.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama's so fat, her scale reads "Game Over."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Game
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so stupid she bought tickets to Xbox Live.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!

      Tags:
      • War
      • Fart
      • Chemistry
      • Disgusting
      • mother in law
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma is so fat when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid when you asked her to grab McDonald's she brings the building home.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

      Tags:
      • Politics
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.

      Tags:
      • Math
      • Work
      • Accountant
      00
      Permalink
    • There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Celebrity
      • Geography
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • She is so blonde, she thinks that Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, a cop saw her standing alone and told her to break it up.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Police
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat that she fell over and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

      Tags:
      • Nerd
      • Chemistry
      00
      Permalink
    • Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Theres a Blonde at a computer trying to play a game and it says "press any key to begin" and shes looking at the computer trying to find the any key

      Tags:
      • Game
      • Blonde
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma is like the sun, stare at her and you'll go blind.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma so fat that when she puts on her yellow rain coat and walks down the street people shout out cab!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Your Momma is so fat, she takes her picture with Google Earth.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • I couldn't understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally, but it doesn't hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn't understand most is why you're biting your tongue right now?!

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit."

      And walked away.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESN'T EXIST.

      00
      Permalink
    • I'd tell you that I'm a nihilist but what is the point.

      Tags:
      • Religion
      00
      Permalink
    • The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.

      Tags:
      • School
      00
      Permalink
    • The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • If pretty women from the south are southern bells, would that make pretty women from Mexico taco bells?

      Tags:
      • Women
      • Beauty
      • Racist
      • Mexican
      00
      Permalink
    • Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Nerd
      • Chemistry
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Death
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Ugly
      • Halloween
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly when she takes baths water hops out.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

      Tags:
      • Math
      • School
      00
      Permalink
    • Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Food
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she was swimming in the ocean the Indians claimed her as the new land.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sport
      • Geography
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

      Tags:
      • Birthday
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Accountant
      00
      Permalink
    • Ad from a printer I will not be doing business with: "We offer a full line of pricing options that will meet or exceed your printing budget."

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Business
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • Some people just need a hug... Around the neck... with a rope.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"

      Tags:
      • Children
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Don't get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.

      Tags:
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • Women prefer the simple things in life... like men.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when I had the chance!"

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Family
      00
      Permalink
    • Black holes are where God divided by zero.

      Tags:
      • God
      • Nerd
      • Math
      • Science
      11
      Permalink
    • My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Wife
      • Religion
      00
      Permalink
    • There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Money
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she tossed in her sleep she woke up in another time zone.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Time
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so fat...

      that when she wore a blue and green sweater,everyone thought she was Planet Earth.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat when she farts its noise is just a nightingale.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Bird
      • Fart
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Work
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so poor when I walked through her front door I was already out the back door.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.

      Tags:
      • Cat
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Autocorrect can kiss my ask!

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • When my customer ordered iced tea, I asked, "Sweetened or unsweetened?"

      Her answer: "What's the difference?"

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • A teenager is a hopeless romantic who never falls in love more then twice a week.

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Teen
      • Time
      • Romance
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • I keep hitting "escape", but I'm still here.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • One step forward, 12 floors down.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat that they had to install speed bumps at all you can eat buffet.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's so dumb she waited all day at a stop sign.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Good girls go to bed at 8 p.m., since they need to be home by 11 p.m.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • "Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"

      "How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"

      Tags:
      • Father
      • Death
      • Husband
      • Children
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' mama's breath so nasty, I don't know whether to give her Tic-Tacs or toilet paper!

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat she went to Japan and Godzilla said "DAMN" and ran away.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Fly like a butterfly sting like a bee I slept with yo mama now it burns when I pee.

      Tags:
      • Poetry
      00
      Permalink
    • Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"

      Tags:
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • Once you go asian you never miss an equation.

      Tags:
      • Math
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • The following sign was posted at a fast food restaurant owned by two blondes:

      "Parking for drive-through customers only!"

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat she has more rolls than a bakery.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Life is too short to remove USB safely.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Dear haters, I can't help but notice that awesome ends in ME and ugly starts with U.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Every time a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • The nose drops "Big smeller" – let's have a blow-out.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Medical
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".

      00
      Permalink
    • When you give birth to a great idea at work, your boss should give you 2 weeks of maternity leave.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • You might be a redneck if your mother carries a lug nut wrench for a toothpick.

      Tags:
      • Redneck
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Doctor
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Birthday
      • Children
      • New Year
      00
      Permalink
    • I use camouflage condoms so they can't see me coming.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Who needs rocks? Windows breaks itself...

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother in Law."

      The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Disgusting
      • mother in law
      00
      Permalink
    • Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking."

      Me: "Grandma, that's Nikki Minaj."

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • We're all self-made but only the rich and successful like to admit it.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Wine
      • Alcohol
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • When Norris hits the road, he destroys it.

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • I would make a science joke but all the good ones ARGON.

      Tags:
      • Science
      00
      Permalink
    • One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Health
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid that she thought starbucks are money in space.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so old she ran track with the dinosaurs.

      Tags:
      • Dinosaur
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • huck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, when I asked what was for dinner, she took off her shoe and said, "Corns."

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Asian
      00
      Permalink
    • There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat when she ordered a waterbed, I gave her the atlantic ocean.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly when she went to sleep Freddy Krueger was scared of her.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so old Moses is in her year book.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Seven days on a honeymoon make one hole weak.

      Tags:
      • Women
      • Holiday
      00
      Permalink
    • Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Cat
      • Nerd
      00
      Permalink
    • Doc, I think I need to wear glasses

      Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so stupid, when I said lets hit the dance floor, she stated hitting it.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Hipster
      00
      Permalink
    • Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".

      Tags:
      • Baby
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Food
      • Relationship
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.

      Tags:
      • Baby
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mommas so fat when criminals break out of jail they hide behind her.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Jail
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."

      Tags:
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he can't fit in them.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama So Black When I Shot Her, The Bullet Came Back And Asked For Flashlight.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma is so ugly when she gets her beauty sleep she falls into a coma!

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Beauty
      • Health
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Valentines day
      00
      Permalink
    • I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Angry geek dad shouted to kid, "End of discussion; Semicolon;"

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Romance
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Food
      • Internet
      • Friend
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • The main rule to obey, if you are in jail: never take a bow for a fallen soap from the wash basin. Try and you'll cry.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Jail
      00
      Permalink
    • You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Redneck
      • Halloween
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Nothing beats a beautiful woman who can sing... except Chris Brown.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Women
      • Beauty
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' mama is so bald, when she wears a turtleneck it looks like a busted rubber.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.

      Tags:
      • Christmas
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Ugly
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.

      Tags:
      • Fish
      • Time
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat, that her MySpace has no space.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Internet
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • School
      00
      Permalink
    • Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal."

      Patient: "Doctor, we've only 3 spoons at home."

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.

      Tags:
      • Disgusting
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.

      00
      Permalink
    • Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic.

      Tags:
      • Math
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama is so skinny, every time she hiccups she does a backflip.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I think my sons gay...I took off the seat of his bike, and he didn't notice.

      Tags:
      • Gay
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      • Business
      00
      Permalink
    • Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!

      Tags:
      • Fart
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      • Computer
      • Idiot
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • School
      00
      Permalink
    • One woman to another at a singles bar: "I'm not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, 'Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?'"

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Alcohol
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • We never knew he was a drunk... until he showed up to work sober.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Drunk
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, her stair master has a dinner tray attached.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so fat...

      when she took her shirt off at the strip club,everyone thought she was Jabba The Hut from Star Wars.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm tired 8 days a week.

      Tags:
      • Time
      00
      Permalink
    • If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      • Computer
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • "Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so poor, her bathroom consists of a tin can and a pile of leaves.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she walked past the toilet, it flushed itself.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Science
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamas so ugly, she scares blind kids away.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Children
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.

      Tags:
      • gym
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma so ugly her face is used as an x ray in mortal kombat X.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Christmas
      • Halloween
      00
      Permalink
    • Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."

      Tags:
      • Business
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so poor the I saw her rolling a can and said what are you doing she said moving!

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

      Tags:
      • Jail
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • In Africa, in a hospital, a black man entered armed – he had a knife on him – stick in his back!

      Tags:
      • Hospital
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like a blimp: a huge spectacle that's full of gas.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Weather
      • Politics
      00
      Permalink
    • If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "Godzilla".

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Ugly
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang glider.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • I had a visitor one night... he explored my body... licked, sucked, swallowed and had his fill... when satisfied he left... I was hurt... Damn mosquito!!!

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Politics
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat she broke your family tree.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Family
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat that when she jumped into the ocean a hurricane began.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Weather
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sex
      • Fart
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so ghetto, her wedding cake was made of cornbread.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Wedding
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so stupid she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to turn green.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so slow that when she tried to cross the road she got a parking ticket.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so fat when she jumps all the oceans disappear.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat I thought of her in my head and I broke my neck.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaurant.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • "Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie 3-D" was considered by Warner Brothers; however the technology to create the visual effects will never be possible.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • E-mail returned to sender, insufficient voltage.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • When you have a man staring at a naked Playboy model, be sure that he doesn't wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Food
      • Music
      00
      Permalink
    • If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Hipster
      00
      Permalink
    • My New Years resolution is 1080p.

      Tags:
      • New Year
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.

      Tags:
      • Santa
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Weather
      • Geography
      00
      Permalink
    • Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so dumb that when she looked in a mirror she yelled stop copying me.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat that when she works out too long she starts sweating cooking oil.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Work
      00
      Permalink
    • I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma is so fat when she went to the movie theater people said "Look at king Kong in 3D."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so dumb that when she saw the "Under 17 not admitted" sign at a movie theatre, she went home and got 16 friends.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Friend
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's just like peanut-butter...she spreads for bread !

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • You might be a redneck if a police officer pulls you over to ask for your driver's license and your address is the county jail.

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Jail
      • Driving
      • Redneck
      00
      Permalink
    • Can I read your t-shirt in braille?

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when Dracula bit her he said "1 diabete, 2 diabete, 3 diabete".

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Health
      00
      Permalink
    • A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so poor, my jack-o-lantern gets better dental work then she does.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!

      Tags:
      • God
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Beauty
      00
      Permalink
    • To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm turning my house into an Italian restaurant.

      Tags:
      • Business
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • Your teeth are so yellow when you opened the popcorn packet it said "We are family."

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Family
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • A teacher:"John, I hope I won't see you're cheating."

      John:"Me either."

      Tags:
      • School
      00
      Permalink
    • Find a sleeping person, fill their hand with shaving cream and then tickle their nose.

      Tags:
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Women
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...

      00
      Permalink
    • Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?

      00
      Permalink
    • I was going to tell a Chinese joke, but it's just wong.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • When I was young my sister used to play with dolls and I played with soldiers, now we do it the other way round.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Food
      • Dirty
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Baby
      • Dirty
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.

      Tags:
      • God
      • Work
      • Asian
      • Geography
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, local night clubs had to put up signs that read, "Maximum Occupancy: 240 or Yo' Mama."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma is just like a shotgun, give her a cock and she blows.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma's so fat she supplies 99% of British gas.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there will be some pi.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Math
      00
      Permalink
    • Do files get embarrassed when they're unzipped?

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.

      Tags:
      • gym
      • Sport
      • Fitness
      00
      Permalink
    • I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mommas so stupid she failed a survey.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat when she made a YouTube account the entire network crashed.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.

      Tags:
      • Marijuana
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so skinny, she uses dental floss for toilet paper.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma's so fat she sank the Titanic!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so dumb,when she got an "F" on her test, she thought it mean Fantastic!

      Tags:
      • School
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.

      Tags:
      • Math
      00
      Permalink
    • I walked out of the store and saw a car full of black people lock their car doors I felt pretty badass until I realized it was my car.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Racist
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.

      00
      Permalink
    • Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Baby
      • Time
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Guilt is a dish best served by Mom.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Geography
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Bird
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she saw a "Wet Floor" sign and did what it said.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • You know you're a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

      Tags:
      • Redneck
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.

      Tags:
      • Baby
      • Ugly
      • Birthday
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

      Tags:
      • Wine
      • Money
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, she puts in tampons with a bazooka.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Work
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma has so many chins, it looks like she's wearing a fat necklace!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat that she walked out to a party wearing heels and came back wearing flip-flops.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Party
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Computer
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma is stupid she bought tickets to Flo ridas concert but instead she went to Florida.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Travel
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

      00
      Permalink
    • Place a pair of pants and shoes inside the only toilet stall in a rest room to make it appear someone is using it all day.

      Tags:
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • Fill someone's hair-dryer with baby powder.

      Tags:
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so fat when she goes in Wal-Mart and goes out it's gone.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama's so fat she asked for a water bed and we threw a blanket on the ocean.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Time
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when they took pictures of Earth it looked like Earth had a pimple.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!

      Tags:
      • Car
      00
      Permalink
    • Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."

      The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."

      Tags:
      • Politics
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat when she wears red they say look a firetruck.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat that she could use a bra as a parachute

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama is so black, when she leans up against a white wall she looks like an alley.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid that when she got on a motorcycle she didn't know how to open the window.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • ...and then the devil said, "Let's put the alphabet into mathematics."

      Tags:
      • Math
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, it sounds like Velcro when she takes her panties off.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your nails are so long when you come around the corner the police arrested you for dangerous weapons.

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris filmed the making of the first camera.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • I looked into a blonde's eyes, but all I saw was the back of her head!

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm not usually one to tell someone how to do their job, which is probably why my promotion to management only lasted a week.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Work
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • For Chuck Norris, ANYTHING counts in horseshoes and handgrenades.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself in safeway and starved to death.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Death
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma so fat she has seat belts on the chairs to keep her fat from rolling off!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid that when she got locked up in the supermarket she starved to death.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is so stupid she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so old she used a walker when Jesus was born.

      Tags:
      • God
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • If money doesn't grow on trees why do banks have branches?

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat the only alphabet she knows is her KFCs.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Birthday
      • Facebook
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat her legs are like spoiled milk, white and chunky.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so old her breast milk is powdered.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so old, they use strands of her hair to carbon date dinosaur fossils.

      Tags:
      • Science
      • Dinosaur
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, instead lint in her belly button, she's gathered full sweaters.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Time
      • Dirty
      • Memory
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Hipster
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, she gets her nails done at the auto shop.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Sign at a gay nudist colony: "Gentlemen playing leapfrog are requested to complete their leaps!"

      Tags:
      • Gay
      • Music
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, every time you smack her butt, you can ride the waves.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.

      Tags:
      • School
      • Marijuana
      00
      Permalink
    • I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Fitness
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mom a so fat she wore a Malcolm x shirt and a helicopter landed on her.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat that when she was seated in the last row, the plane couldn't get off the ground.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Travel
      • Airplane
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat, her portrait fell off the wall.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!

      Tags:
      • Party
      • Politics
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • You should try the new Starbucks terrorist latte... it has a white fluffy head with 2 shots in it.

      Tags:
      • Business
      • terrorist
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so poor for Christmas she got a box, put two sticks on it, spun it and said son here's your xbox 360.

      Tags:
      • Game
      • Money
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • If you want to drive your wife crazy don't talk in your sleep, just smile.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama nose is so big she could smell what the rock was cooking before he started cooking.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's clitoris is as long as my dick.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Santa
      00
      Permalink
    • A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.

      Tags:
      • Santa
      • Romance
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so old in her time Burger King was know as Burger Prince.

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Marriage
      • Anniversary
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is so ugly that I guess you can say that the genes passed down.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Family
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!

      Tags:
      • Fish
      • Game
      • Animal
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Walker Texas Ranger wasn't an action crime drama, it was a documentary.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Old People
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • You mama is so fat, when she goes to the movies she sits next to everyone!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat it took her three whole months to get through a door.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Time
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home

      Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!

      Tags:
      • School
      • Teacher
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly when she auditioned for a horror movie they sent her to a professional!

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Work
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she jumped off a cliff and stopped for directions.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat, when shes falling out the sky, people thought it was meteor shower.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Science
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so poor she ran after a trash can truck with her shopping list.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth, her cheeks light up.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"

      Tags:
      • God
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought the international dateline was a global dating service.

      Tags:
      • Dating
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Computer
      • Programming
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so black Batman came and said damn bitch I thought I was the dark night.

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Insulting
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Your Mother is so fat, her water heater needs a nuclear reactor.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Science
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama's head is so big, she dreams in IMAX.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat she stepped on a Nintendo GameCube and turned it into a Gameboy.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Game
      00
      Permalink
    • My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Telephone
      • Friend
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".

      Tags:
      • Baby
      • Ugly
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.

      Tags:
      • Business
      • Geography
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Party
      • Office
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so old that when she breastfeeds it's just powder.

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' daddy's so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for mooning!

      Tags:
      • Father
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • You mamas so small she fell of her chair and committed suicide.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamas so fat she fits on both sides of the bed.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma so fat, she's gotta wake up in sections.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • POST Server image uploads in android are easy.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      00
      Permalink
    • Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to fuck her and fell in.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • When you're driving and Nikki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Music
      • Celebrity
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.

      Tags:
      • Golf
      • Geography
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Life is a car wash ... and I'm on a bicycle.

      00
      Permalink
    • Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Time
      • Dirty
      • Beauty
      00
      Permalink
    • I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Memory
      • Hospital
      00
      Permalink
    • COP: "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."

      LADY: "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Driving
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly that she died of fright when she looked in the mirror.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Dirty
      • Science
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, simply bathing is part of her weight loss program.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is so black when God saw her he said "Oh man I burnt one again."

      Tags:
      • God
      00
      Permalink
    • Walker Texas Ranger was actually a reality show.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so hairy she has afros on her nipples.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Family
      • Religion
      00
      Permalink
    • Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Time
      • Relationship
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, when she farts, it comes out at the ankles of her tight-ass jeans.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Fart
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      • Idiot
      • graduation
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat when she sat on da toilet it said here's a carrot and a diet coke.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, she has a kickstand on her peg leg.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put ice down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, her crabs use her tampon string as a getaway rope.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • If you really want to loosen your pectineus, you should skip the squats and let me stretch them out.

      Tags:
      • Fitness
      00
      Permalink
    • None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.

      Tags:
      • Cat
      • Friend
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat, she leaves stretch marks in the tub.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, she uses bacon as bandages.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I don't always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.

      Tags:
      • gym
      • Fitness
      • Facebook
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • "Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans am I wearing I said Guess and she said Levis.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Dirty
      • Family
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Is Lady Gaga wonder woman because we all wonder if she's a woman?

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Women
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • School
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is so ugly she jumps and the gravity did not return.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Science
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so round and fat that she makes an eclipse with the sun.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Science
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so ugly when god was making light he told her to step out the way.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Men
      • Santa
      • Christmas
      • Thanksgiving
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so FAT, she can't save files bigger than 4 GB.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Fat
      • Computer
      • Insulting
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly it caused Godzilla to go back to the ocean.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Children
      • Fathers day
      00
      Permalink
    • "I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Fathers day
      00
      Permalink
    • The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.

      Tags:
      • Time
      00
      Permalink
    • If you catch a man...throw him back.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Dogs may shed, but cats shred.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johnny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Athlete
      00
      Permalink
    • In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.

      Tags:
      • Military
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let's spend the night with the gas mask!

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Food
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Men
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Dirty
      • Telephone
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • You mamma so fat that she has to use the ocean for a bathroom.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama is so stupid, she threw a baseball at Batman.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Celebrity
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they're not that sort of girl, it's usually too late.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so old, that when she farts all that comes out is dust.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so hairy when she went to space the aliens thought she was Chewbacca.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so old she was friends with Cleopatra.

      Tags:
      • Friend
      00
      Permalink
    • Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      • Office
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • Money isn't everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      • Football
      00
      Permalink
    • My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      • New Year
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat that she uses the Great Wall of China wall as a belt.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so dumb she used old spice body wash to cook.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.

      Tags:
      • Office
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Health
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama so ugly, that when she entered a haunted house, she came out with an application.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Bar
      • Nerd
      • Programming
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly that she saw herself six ways in the mirror!

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma is so fat that she's a call of duty map!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so short when she smokes weed, she can't even get high.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Marijuana
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: "holy fuck we can't fix that."

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!

      Tags:
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so poor, I went to her place for dinner the other day, and when I asked what we were having, she put her foot up on the table and said "corn !".

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't make threats, he makes promises.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like a telephone book: available to the public, no charge.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so poor, she considers the give-a-penny/take-a-penny cups part of her own "Save Yo' Mama" foundation.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Toilets are like mothers-in-law:

      the farther away the better.

      Tags:
      • mother in law
      00
      Permalink
    • 'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked, "What's new?"

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid she married a carpenter just to get nailed.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • April fools
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat the only liquor she knows is liquorice.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid that she went to the store to buy a color TV and asked what colors they had.

      Tags:
      • Business
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, her farts are classified as biological weapons.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Science
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.

      00
      Permalink
    • Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokemons.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Women
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • How'd you like to go on a long romantic walk on the treadmill?

      Tags:
      • gym
      • Fitness
      • Romance
      00
      Permalink
    • Hit any user to continue.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' mama so stupid, she thought the Blizzard of '96 was a new item at Dairy Queen!

      Tags:
      • Weather
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Science
      • Chemistry
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so poor when I went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.

      Tags:
      • War
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" and "You're"-

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' mama so poor, she fills her ice trays with toilet water!

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • You are so old, you fart dust.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat when she sat on Wal-Mart she lowered the price.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like a bag of chips: Fri-to-lay.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."

      Santa - "Send me your mother."

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.

      Tags:
      • Math
      00
      Permalink
    • After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.

      Tags:
      • Game
      • Money
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • God made everyone different he got tired when he made china.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma is so ugly when she look in the mirror it shattered.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Children
      • Fathers day
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat, that when she got on the titanic, it sunk right away, and the only reason that this story is different is because the people who've told others about it were scared that she would sit on them.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat she has to write an apology letter to Japan.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so stupid when she went to the library to get an application for a library card they said: "I need your ID" she gave them an EBT card.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mommas teeth are so yellow I can't believe it's not butter.

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Your Mom is so skinny she has to wipe her ass with dental floss.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.

      00
      Permalink
    • "Grandma, in the greengrocery they have that thick and that long cucumber."

      Deaf grandma answers,"be sure he'll also marry you."

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • My mother-in- law is so cross-eyed, that when she cries the tears roll down her back!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • mother in law
      00
      Permalink
    • I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

      Tags:
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she poured a bowl of Cheerios and said, "Look, my alphabet soup spells 'Ooooo.'"

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly Lady Liberty blew her torch out so she wouldn't have to see her.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • "And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"

      Sony 16:9

      Tags:
      • God
      • Bible
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat, she fell into a black hole and it clogged!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Celebrity
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she went swimming, The Japanese harpooned her and took her back to Japan to sell her blubber.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Every mobile phone user has complained like this:

      Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you, because now I have to change the whole text.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so old her drivers license in hieroglyphics.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, NASA used her to plug a black hole.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Racist
      • Science
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting the fuck up.

      Tags:
      • Facebook
      00
      Permalink
    • Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

      00
      Permalink
    • I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Italy looks like a boot... you know who owns that boot.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put a cucumber in her panties and pulled out a pickle.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so dirty, she has to use Right Guard and Left Guard.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her strip steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like a race car: she burns through four rubbers a night.

      Tags:
      • Car
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so ugly, she has to sneak up to water fountains to get a drink.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, the donut shop accused her of stealing their jelly rolls.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your so poor, I stepped in your house and stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said, "Who turned of the lights".

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Your Mama's so black, when the cops were shooting at her, the bullets went back for flashlights.

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Racist
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat that when she sat on a rainbow she made Skittles!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Is everything expensive or I'm just poor?

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she fell on my iPod it became an iPad.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamas so ugly when Bob the builder saw her he said "Oh cannot fix that."

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Work
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she looks in the mirror the mirror said: "oh no get out the way."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid... she died of starvation in a grocery store.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she went rolling down a hill no one could pick her up.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Client to designer: "It doesn't really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue."

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      • Marijuana
      00
      Permalink
    • Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he wouldn't have to.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Teacher
      • Children
      • Fathers day
      00
      Permalink
    • Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.

      Tags:
      • Party
      • Children
      • Fathers day
      00
      Permalink
    • There was a fire at the local tax office but the fire brigade managed to put it out before any serious good was done.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so old, she calls her waterbed the Dead Sea.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Fart
      • Travel
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so poor, when she farts, her holey underwear whistles.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Money
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, her wig has a chinstrap.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so dirty, roaches check into her laundry basket, but they don't check out.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, when she walks the dog, they both use the same bush.

      Tags:
      • Dog
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".

      Tags:
      • God
      • Fart
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Money
      • Christmas
      • Religion
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Food
      • Money
      • Business
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat that when she went to her prom she literally raised the roof.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Party
      • School
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like a campfire: everyone gets to stick their wiener in.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Misers are lousy to live with, but they make great ancestors.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat and poor the only thing she could afford to eat was grease.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, when her dog farts, she takes the credit.

      Tags:
      • Dog
      • Fart
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat, that when she jumped for joy, she got stuck!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.

      Tags:
      • Police
      00
      Permalink
    • Kobe Bryant wears the number 24 to remind himself about how many seconds he has to hog the ball.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat her chairs are buildings.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the ass.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's so ugly, I can fuck her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so fat she climbed up hill and fell back down.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Animal
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat, she bounced over Wal-Mart, rolled over KMart, and landed on target.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don't fall off.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • You are so black when I clicked on your profile pic I thought my phone died.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Hitler
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      • Music
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid she thought that 2 quarters were the famous singer every one said wow she's so "right".

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Women
      • Relationship
      • Children
      • Fathers day
      00
      Permalink
    • Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Jesus walks into an inn and hands the innkeeper 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Christian
      • Religion
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Jonah Hill look superbad at gaining weight.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Celebrity
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama so dumb she thought the shoes Vans are actually vans.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Snooki is so short and orange that she works part time as a traffic cone.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Driving
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagon.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • School
      • Children
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."

      00
      Permalink
    • You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed... and that's pretty close.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Marijuana
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama is so fat and ugly she and Godzilla are twins.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat when she is having sex, her partner doesn't know if it's in her butt or her boobs.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sex
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.

      Tags:
      • Family
      • Winter
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama has more crabs than Red Lobster.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is such a whore, that all the men use her just like a roundabout, everyone take's a turn

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so nasty, her flyswatter doubles as a spatula.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mammas so fat they had to make a new number.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Math
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so old that her titties sag all the way to hell!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm not racist cuz racism is a crime, and crime ends in jail, and jail is for blacks.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • 'A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.'

      Bob Hope

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Animal
      • Weather
      00
      Permalink
    • According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Science
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Your Moma is so fat the only words she knows is the universe.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • 'Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.'

      Spike Milligan

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat her boobs squirts out milk.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      00
      Permalink
    • How to tell who is Jewish in your class, drop a penny and see who gets their first.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Jewish
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, when she rubs her legs together, I smell bacon.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so flat, pirates can't wait to get their hands her a sunken chest.

      Tags:
      • Pirate
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

      Tags:
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, people use her butt cheeks for a ski slope.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, I had to dip her in flour to find her wet patch.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so fat, she can sit on a t3 cable and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Why is it that when a man talks nasty to a women it's sexual harassment, but when a women talks nasty to a man it's £3.99 a minute?

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, politicians fight over redistricting her ass.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Politics
      00
      Permalink
    • Lawyer's creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so dumb, if her brains were farts, there wouldn't be enough to stink.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' mama so stupid, she told me to meet her on the corner of "walk" and "don't walk."

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • They called him the king of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Dentist
      00
      Permalink
    • If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses

      Tags:
      • Horse
      • Women
      • Relationship
      • Internet
      00
      Permalink
    • Is it still rape if you yell 'Surprise!' first?

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamas teeth are so yellow she helped Dorothy get to the emerald city.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is stupid, she put a book in her friend face and named facebook.

      Tags:
      • Facebook
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?

      Tags:
      • Police
      00
      Permalink
    • I thought I was at a Nikki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.

      Tags:
      • Music
      • Animal
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

      Tags:
      • Wine
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma's so fat when she falls off a hill people call avalanche.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so stupid... she tried to climb mountain dew!

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • If the sea was weed and I was a duck I'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and I'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up

      Tags:
      • Duck
      • Dirty
      • Marijuana
      00
      Permalink
    • "My wife and I always compromise, I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me."

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so black when she gets in the car the oil light turns on.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Racist
      • Insulting
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat they thought her butt was a new planet.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Science
      00
      Permalink
    • 5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".

      Tags:
      • Relationship
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."

      Tags:
      • Athlete
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she's reading.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • 'Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.'

      George Burns

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Health
      • Dentist
      00
      Permalink
    • My kids get along great when they're sleeping.

      Tags:
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it for a couple of hours.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"

      His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat if she falls it's defcon zero.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so black when she went outside the street lights turned on!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Kind of surprised hipsters haven't started tying their beard's in man buns yet.

      Tags:
      • Hipster
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so skinny, she used a needle for a baseball bat.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.

      00
      Permalink
    • Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid that she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate".

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • I hope this gas station sells Father's Day cards.

      Tags:
      • Memory
      • Fathers day
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so old that she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible.

      Tags:
      • Bible
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so old when she raised her eyebrows they fell off.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so loose...when she walks down the street her pussy claps!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Atheist
      00
      Permalink
    • One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • When Adam asked Eve out for dinner she replied: "Oh I'd love to, but I haven't a thing to wear."

      Tags:
      • God
      • Love
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat when I crawl in her pussy I can't find my way out.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so old her social security number is 3!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Geography
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like a heavyweight boxer: a few licks, a few blows, and she's back to her corner.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter 'Sue'.

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma so fat she wears a vcr as a beeper.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner, they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Police
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, when she visits the doctor, they need a forklift to get her on the examining table.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Food
      • Dirty
      • Dating
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's so stupid I asked her to buy me a pare of sneakers and she came back with 2 candy bars.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • This elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up.

      Tags:
      • Fitness
      00
      Permalink
    • I wouldn't say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I'm now starving on an income I used to dream about.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • You mama so bugle one detection went the other direction.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      00
      Permalink
    • If I wanted to hear from an asshole I would fart.

      Tags:
      • Fart
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so stupid when she cries for help she says "come here please".

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Athlete
      • Friend
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat when she climbed into the attic she fell into the basement.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat that when she played Xbox live you can see her face sticking out of your tv screen.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Game
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Daddy to his son:

      I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat she was walking down the street, tripped and broke her leg and gravy rolled out.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so skinny that she eats a nut and thoughts that she's pregnant...

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

      Tags:
      • Military
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo moma so fat that when I tried to have sex with her I burned my ass off the lightbulb.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sex
      • Insulting
      • Lightbulb
      00
      Permalink
    • To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • It is genetically pre-recorded in men's brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for raping his sister.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.

      Tags:
      • Math
      00
      Permalink
    • A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.

      Tags:
      • Jewish
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.

      Tags:
      • Duck
      • Teen
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so overweight she kills thousands just by sitting down.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • You momma's teeth are so nasty the bitch spits yoohoo.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid that when a teacher told the class nobody is perfect, he replied, "I want to become nobody!"

      Tags:
      • School
      • Teacher
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"

      Tags:
      • God
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Christmas
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat that she has to buy three airline tickets for her flight.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Travel
      • Airplane
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought Meow Mix was a rap CD for cats.

      Tags:
      • Cat
      • Music
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed whereas in college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.

      Tags:
      • School
      • College
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought a ribbed condom was soul food.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk."

      Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream ... and two cows."

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Animal
      • Teacher
      00
      Permalink
    • If you want to know God's opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Dick's family were very poor – when the wolf came to the door, they ate it.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • 'Money frees you from doing things you dislike, since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.'

      Groucho Marx

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Baby
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Police
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can down the street and I asked her, "What are you doing?" and she said, "Moving".

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.

      Tags:
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Food
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

      Tags:
      • Duck
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • 'I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.'

      Steve Martin

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      • Children
      • Disgusting
      • Masturbation
      00
      Permalink
    • As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:

      Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

      Tags:
      • Chemistry
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, when her batteries die, she buries them.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • How long does it take a Mexican to build a, holy shit they're done!

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • "Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Family
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she taped toilet paper to her TV set for free paper view.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

      Tags:
      • Friend
      • Republican
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so ugly she made the ugliest person in the world cry.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      00
      Permalink
    • Grandmother is so stupid, she's gone on the pill because she doesn't want any more grandchildren.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Money talks – all mine says is 'Goodbye!'

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is like ass hair: totally useless and full of shit.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she smashed open her TV hoping to find a TV dinner.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • YO momma is so old, I slit her throat and dust came out!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Law of Cat Composition

      A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • I wouldn't say Harry was mean, but last Christmas Eve he fired a pistol in the garden and told the kids Santa had committed suicide.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Men, don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat that why people think the Earth is flat.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat even dora can't explore her.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat not even Dora can explore her.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • I thought I was real racist because I was liking those black men so black that if you looked at a picture of them, it looks like a negative.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is so black you can only see her eyes and teeth at night.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • I've got this black friend... just kidding.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      00
      Permalink
    • A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved..."

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Wife
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • "Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."

      Tags:
      • Game
      • Sport
      • Football
      00
      Permalink
    • Using a credit card is a convenient way to spend money you wish you had.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • If God had meant us to pay taxes, he'd have made us smart enough to fill in the return form.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat Jesus can't hold her holy spirit.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • God
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • 'How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars...' Steve Martin

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she tried to put the leftover orange juice back in the rind.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mommas so black that when she walked outside the street lights turned on.

      Tags:
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mamma so fat I took a picture of her last month, and it's still printing.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's so loose it's like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • A man goes into a bank and asks the cashier to check his balance, so the cashier pushes him over.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can't make them happy.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses transport trucks as roller skates.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Travel
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • I drink so much alcohol I'm afraid to smoke.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.

      Tags:
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      00
      Permalink
    • A mink in the wardrobe often leads to a wolf at the door.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • After any salary rise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Good advice for cocktail parties: If you can't say something nice about someone, just hold your drink and listen to others who can't either.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat you can't tell if she got a penis or a vagina.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: "holy fuck we can't fix that."

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied:

      I love sauna!

      Tags:
      • Love
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so scary, every time someone throws shots, she calls the police.

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so stupid she puts a piece of paper on the TV and says, "I'm watching paper-view."

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so hairy, she has to part the hair on her butt to go to the bathroom.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thinks the Wu-Tang Clan is a Japanese orange drink company.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • A Muslim safely departs from a plane.

      Tags:
      • Travel
      • Religion
      • terrorist
      00
      Permalink
    • What are the similarities between a new wife and a tornado, there's a lot of suckin and blowin and then u lose ur house.

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Weather
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • "I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.

      00
      Permalink
    • The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.

      Tags:
      • Police
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so dumb she stuck a battery up her butt and said, "I got energy!"

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.

      Tags:
      • Politics
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • I want me a big black girl...the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it's got tinted windows.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Women
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.

      Tags:
      • Baby
      00
      Permalink
    • Well, you know what they say: unlucky in love, get the clap.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • 'Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.'

      Rodney Dangerfield

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Life's a bitch, and then you're reincarnated.

      00
      Permalink
    • Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.

      Tags:
      • Celebrity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so flat, the last time she felt a breast was in a KFC bucket.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so poor when I ring her buzzer she says, "bzzzzzzzzz."

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Another name for a vagina is a cockpit

      Tags:
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.

      Tags:
      • School
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so ugly that her birth certificate came with an apology letter from the condom factory.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, when her boss told her to take her ugly ass home, she came back 10 minutes later without her ass.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Ugly
      • Idiot
      • Manager
      00
      Permalink
    • Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourself: sell your liver, kidneys, skeleton...

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping out the basement window.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Baby
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her... Or something like that.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so skanky, when yo' daddy suggested doggie style, she laid down and licked her balls.

      Tags:
      • Father
      • Sex
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid she got fired from a blow job.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Work
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Death is God's way of saying, 'Hey, you're not alive any more.'

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • Most babies born today are very young.

      Tags:
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid she though iHop was a gym!

      Tags:
      • gym
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama breath stanks so bad, instead of using baking soda, it smells like she uses baking ass!

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so technologically unsavvy, she leaves out pieces of cheese next to the computer!

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Computer
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid she tried to make an appointment with Dr.pepper.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Time
      • Christmas
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.

      Tags:
      • Baby
      • Death
      • Dead Baby
      00
      Permalink
    • A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she's as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama's breath is so nasty, it makes onions cry.

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Drinking a non-alcoholic beer is like muffing your sister, it tastes the same but something's not right about it.

      Tags:
      • Beer
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • "Yo momma so stupid she steals free bread!"

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, when she was pulled over for drunk driving and asked to walk a line, she said, "Which one?"

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Drunk
      • Police
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.

      Tags:
      • Dog
      • Animal
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so stupid when she pays her bills she gives pennies to her cash.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Nothing spreads easier than butter, except for yo mommas legs.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama's so stupid when she saw a bus with lots of white kids in it she said stop that Twinkie.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      • White People
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so heavy that when she went in the elevator as soon as one foot goes in falls strait to the bottom.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom's so fat she sat on Big Lots and it turned into Lowes!!!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Wife to husband: 'When I married you you said you had an ocean-going yacht!'

      Husband: 'Shut up and row.'

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's mouth is so big, she speaks in surround sound.

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamas so fat that she fought a war with her own farts.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • War
      • Fart
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so nasty I had phone sex with her and she gave me an ear infection.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Food
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, 'Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!'

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Our house was so small if we got a large pizza we had to go outside to eat it.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.

      Tags:
      • Math
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's so stupid because it too her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

      Tags:
      • Time
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so redneck, the door mat to her trailer home doubles as a mad flap for her pick up truck.

      Tags:
      • Redneck
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so skanky, she went to a family reunion looking for a boyfriend.

      Tags:
      • Family
      • Relationship
      00
      Permalink
    • There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Whiskey is a great drink – it makes you see double and feel single.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons,

      I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so uptight, you need the jaws of life to part her legs.

      00
      Permalink
    • A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"

      Tags:
      • Women
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • There's something actionable in your pants.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Sex
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is too black like she was born in a burning hospital.

      Tags:
      • Racist
      • Birthday
      • Hospital
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • Gays don't fart - their asses fetch a sigh.

      Tags:
      • Gay
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, when she went to buy a color television, she left the store because they didn't have one in pink.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, she voted for a pit bull wearing lipstick.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • I dated a lawyer until she said, 'Stop, and/or I'll slap your face!'

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      00
      Permalink
    • She was so blonde that she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • I am currently experiencing an out-of-money experience.

      Tags:
      • Money
      00
      Permalink
    • Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"

      Tags:
      • Animal
      00
      Permalink
    • Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn't crying.

      Tags:
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • A life? Cool... Where can I download one of those?

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself out of her motorcycle.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • 'He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.'

      Les Dawson

      Tags:
      • Sex
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so ugly that when I showed a picture of my ass they said they are twins!

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Your Momma is like Burger King "Have it Your Way".

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's so stupid when she heard someone say it was chilly outside,she went and grabbed a size 20 bowl.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Slut - "I hate you bitch"

      Blonde - "Your such a slut, I bet your naked under those clothes."

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming people thinks shes and oil spill.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Black People
      00
      Permalink
    • When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Programming
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so stupid, she thought "Dunkin' Donuts" was a basketball team.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's like a fast food restaurant, she takes orders from the front and the back.

      Tags:
      • Food
      00
      Permalink
    • Your moms like a Christmas tree all the guys put there balls on her.

      Tags:
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's vagina is so hairy when she had you, you came out with rug burns.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so hairy when you were born you almost died of rugburn.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat she wouldn't fit in 10,000 movie seat's.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Dirty
      • Weather
      00
      Permalink
    • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Always talk to your wife when you're making love – assuming there's a phone handy.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama's so Web 2.0, she makes you call her Mothr!

      Tags:
      • Internet
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so stupid when they asked her 1+1 she said "Ouch! it is a long story."

      Tags:
      • Math
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.

      Tags:
      • Military
      00
      Permalink
    • Client: "The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was a little more orange. Like 'blorange'."

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Beauty
      • Customer Service
      00
      Permalink
    • I need your help making a cream sauce.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • I'd like to think inside your box.

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma's so hairy, last night I confused here with a bush and pissed on her!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Period
      • Sport
      • Disgusting
      00
      Permalink
    • I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John's intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John's part.

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      00
      Permalink
    • If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

      Tags:
      • Dirty
      00
      Permalink
    • "Dyslexic man walks into a bra"

      Tags:
      • Men
      00
      Permalink
    • I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said, "Those are pickled onions"

      00
      Permalink
    • A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • It's people that give drinking a bad name.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • I love blacks. It's a pity they are not being traded anymore...

      Tags:
      • Dark Humor
      00
      Permalink
    • A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.

      Tags:
      • Lawyer
      00
      Permalink
    • Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • "Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."

      Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."

      Tags:
      • Sport
      00
      Permalink
    • Liquor may be a slow poison, but who's in a hurry?

      Tags:
      • Alcohol
      00
      Permalink
    • Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      00
      Permalink
    • Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog What's wrong with that I think I'm going to croak

      Tags:
      • Frog
      00
      Permalink
    • Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog Your just playing too much croquet!

      Tags:
      • Frog
      00
      Permalink
    • Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!

      Tags:
      • Old People
      00
      Permalink
    • Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.

      Tags:
      • Divorce
      00
      Permalink
    • This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      • Boyfriend
      00
      Permalink
    • believe that the members of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her mouth and get away with it.

      Tags:
      • Dentist
      00
      Permalink
    • Where does the dentist get his gas?...At the filling station

      Tags:
      • Dentist
      00
      Permalink
    • What was the dentist doing in Panama?...Looking for the Root Canal

      Tags:
      • Dentist
      00
      Permalink
    • What game did the dentist play when she was a child?...Caps and robbers

      Tags:
      • Dentist
      00
      Permalink
    • And then there was the UCLA professor who opened up his vest, pulled out his tie and wet his pants.

      Tags:
      • Professor
      00
      Permalink
    • I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed, but when they cry the tears run down their back!

      Tags:
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are ugly, But if beauty's skin deep then they were was born inside out!

      Tags:
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

      Tags:
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • Son to his father as they watch television: "Dad, tell me again how when you were a kid you had to walk all the way across the room to change the channel."

      Tags:
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • Teacher: Name four members of the cat family Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens!

      Tags:
      • Cat
      00
      Permalink
    • A boy sat on a train chewing gum and staring vacantly into space, when suddenly an old woman sitting opposite said, 'It's no good you talking to me, young man, I'm stone deaf!'

      Tags:
      • Train
      00
      Permalink
    • I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, -Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour? - Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long.-

      Tags:
      • Police
      00
      Permalink
    • There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

      Tags:
      • Business
      00
      Permalink
    • My husband's business is rather up-and-down - he makes yo-yos.

      Tags:
      • Business
      00
      Permalink
    • I'm always delighted when people stick their noses in my business - my company makes paper tissues.

      Tags:
      • Business
      00
      Permalink
    • When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he couldn't increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men he'd fire them.

      Tags:
      • Business
      00
      Permalink
    • A man is captured by cannibals, every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "Hey, you can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks!"

      Tags:
      • Cannibal
      00
      Permalink
    • A cannibal's dilemma: If God didn't want us to eat people, why did he make them out of meat?

      Tags:
      • Cannibal
      00
      Permalink
    • Seasons Greetings by Mary Christmas

      Tags:
      • Christmas
      00
      Permalink
    • The Runaway Horse by Gay Topen

      Tags:
      • Gay
      00
      Permalink
    • The Worst Journey in the World by Helen Back

      Tags:
      • Helen Keller
      00
      Permalink
    • How to Get There by Ridya Bike

      Tags:
      • Bicycle
      00
      Permalink
    • The Escaping Herd by Gay Topen

      Tags:
      • Gay
      00
      Permalink
    • This blonde is so stupid, she called me to get my telephone number!

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • A blonde tried to blow up her husband's car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe.

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts.... she gave me change!

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • A blonde once shot an arrow into the air... but missed!

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'

      Tags:
      • Birthday
      00
      Permalink
    • "This birthday cake certainly is crunchy."

      "Maybe you should spit out the plate!"

      Tags:
      • Birthday
      00
      Permalink
    • "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."

      "Next time, take off the candles."

      Tags:
      • Birthday
      00
      Permalink
    • A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

      Tags:
      • Birthday
      00
      Permalink
    • Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing?

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      00
      Permalink
    • My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful Well they do say that love is blind!

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      • Boyfriend
      00
      Permalink
    • She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time.

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      00
      Permalink
    • Don't look out of the window, Betty, people will think it's Halloween.

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      00
      Permalink
    • Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."

      Tags:
      • Drinking
      00
      Permalink
    • When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn't he have an L-plate?

      Tags:
      • Baby
      00
      Permalink
    • The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

      Tags:
      • Apple
      00
      Permalink
    • Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: ".......and ninthly..."

      Tags:
      • Accountant
      00
      Permalink
    • The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

      Tags:
      • Accountant
      00
      Permalink
    • If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a pice of buttered toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?

      Tags:
      • Cat
      00
      Permalink
    • The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Pentium, all of the above Number 4.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • "This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."

      Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two."

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough for his father to play, too."

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed... Oh, wait a minute, he already does.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      • St. Peter
      00
      Permalink
    • A pig's favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York.

      Tags:
      • New York
      00
      Permalink
    • She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.

      Tags:
      • Beauty
      00
      Permalink
    • Redmond, WA - Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

      Tags:
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

      Tags:
      • Fishing
      00
      Permalink
    • Spain at the 2014 World Cup.

      Tags:
      • Spanish
      • World Cup
      11
      Permalink
    • A doctor pulls a thermometer out of his top pocket and says, "Dammit, some asshole's got my pen."

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      • Asshole
      • Thermometer
      00
      Permalink
    • If the Eskimos have a thousand different words for "snow", do the French have a thousand different words for "surrender"?

      Tags:
      • France
      • Language
      • Surrender
      00
      Permalink
    • Why can't Norwegians tell jokes Timing

      Tags:
      • Norway
      00
      Permalink
    • The oral sex with my imaginary girlfriend is mind-blowing.

      Tags:
      • Blowjob
      • Girlfriend
      • Imaginary friend
      00
      Permalink
    • When life hands you lemons, you should question your sanity.

      Tags:
      • Saying
      00
      Permalink
    • My drunk friend was kicked out of Karaoke for singing "Danger Zone" 7 times in a row.

      He had exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.

      Tags:
      • Karaoke
      • Kenny Loggins
      00
      Permalink
    • Here is a joke for all the mind readers and psychics.

      Tags:
      • Psychic
      00
      Permalink
    • If life gives you lemons, you can't really make anything because you lack the proper materials.

      Tags:
      • Saying
      00
      Permalink
    • The only thing harder than diamonds is a redneck at his family reunion.

      Tags:
      • Redneck
      • Erection
      • Inbreeding
      00
      Permalink
    • Maybe every nation has ninjas, and the Japanese ninjas are just the worst.

      Tags:
      • Japan
      • Ninja
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't wait in traffic, he takes the subway

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • In Soviet Russia, the government kills with famine and genocide.

      Tags:
      • Government
      00
      Permalink
    • A show horse jumps over a bar.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Horse
      00
      Permalink
    • So Mel Gibson walks into a bar, and then everyone left.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat that people make rude comments about her behind her back, but they shouldn't because she's a really nice lady.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Two gay guys go into a bedroom, in different houses at different times.

      Tags:
      • Gay
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so fat she should be concerned about her increased risk of heart failure.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so dumb that all of society says she was poorly educated.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A man walks into a bar but didn't say anything because he is mute.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • 3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris Isn't That tuff if he was he would come to my house and slam my head in they keyboaredehfiu;qbg;qebnuighqije9qp8ubwrsijpa

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • We were hooking up and her mom walked in, I stood up, apologized and left

      Tags:
      • Daughter
      00
      Permalink
    • Take my wife. . . . to the hospital. She is dying from a gunshot wound to the head.

      Tags:
      • Hospital
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so dumb, she has difficulty acquiring a job to support her family.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your Mother is so ugly that men tend to avoid her.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mothers so dumb that when she had to take a math test, she received a significantly lower grade than the rest of her classmates.

      Tags:
      • Math
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Do knock-knock jokes apply to homeless people?

      Tags:
      • Homeless
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat the she is clinically obese.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, pays, and leaves.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so fat, when she sweats, it is more than the normal amount of sweat.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Life is like swimming. When you drown you die.

      Tags:
      • Swimming
      00
      Permalink
    • Ashton Kutcher meets a fine cougar at a bar and the cougar fatally wounded his throat.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • A priest, a Rabi, and a Monk walk out of the bar and go home.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Monk
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's so fat that when she uses a hoolahoop, she can't use it, she is fat.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so dumb that she failed to pass her 11th grade year, forcing her to drop out to get a GED and spend the rest of her life at a dead end job

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so stupid she had a hard time graduating high school.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • High School
      00
      Permalink
    • A midget walked under a bar.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's so broke she might be eligible for government assistance. Seriously she should totally look into it.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Government
      00
      Permalink
    • yo mama's so ugly, it affects her self esteem.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma is so fat that she has really high cholesterol but also an undoubtedly warm personality.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat that unfortunately she can not fit into her picture for her passport and is not allowed to leave the country to go visit her dying mother.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat she probably has diabetes, poor circulation in her extremities, and cannot ride anything at Disney World.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Disney
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • yo mama is so fat, she should seriously consider gastric bypass surgery, morbid obesity is extremely detrimental to one's health

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Have you seen the clown hiding from gay people at Wal-Mart?

      Tags:
      • Gay
      • Walmart
      00
      Permalink
    • If you say gullible over and over again, it sounds like stupidity.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      00
      Permalink
    • A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

      Tags:
      • Airplane
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat that she will die relatively early because of poor health.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A guy walks into a bar and orders a water because he's the designated driver

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • An orphan walks into a bar. The bartender calls Child Protective Services and is given to a nice foster family.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Rick Ross is so fat, that he is fatter than someone who isn't as fat as he is.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Two women are sitting quietly in a corner, minding their own business.

      Tags:
      • Business
      00
      Permalink
    • YO MOMMA SO FAT... that it is really beginning to be an issue.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so fat she has type 2 diabetes.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      • Diabetes
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so old, that it's becoming apparent that she is most likely developing severe senile dementia

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Whats big, yellow and red? a school bus with a bunch of dead children.

      Tags:
      • Children
      00
      Permalink
    • your mama is so stupid I believe she will have a difficult time finding employment in these rough economic times

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A man falls into a lake but no one is around to help him, luckily the man can swim so he got out of the lake and went home feeling embarrassed

      Tags:
      • Fishing
      00
      Permalink
    • Two men walk into a bar, the third man ducks.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so fat, she slipped into a diabetic coma.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat that I'm starting to worry about her health.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • 3 Blondes walk into a bar. One ducks, the other two are hospitalized with mild concussions

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Sleep
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's so fat that when she uses a hoolahoop, she gets tired after one try and has to stop.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat, she is thinking of going on a diet.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A man walks into a bar and slowly draws a pistol and kills 5 people.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so poor, that when she went to the soup kitchen, she got food.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat that she got diabetes and later died of an unrelated illness.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • I see London, I see France, I am in an airplane on my way to Europe.

      Tags:
      • Airplane
      00
      Permalink
    • You know you're fucked when you have a penis in your vagina.

      Tags:
      • Penis
      00
      Permalink
    • The awkward moment when a joke doesn't end the way you think it dinosaur.

      Tags:
      • Dinosaur
      00
      Permalink
    • My mother in Law is so ugly I actually feel quite sorry for her.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Mother In Law
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so fat that it's becoming a serious health concern...

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A Pole walks into a bar and gets annexed by Germany.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • A man walks into a bar and dies.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Don't you hate it when you're reading a sentence and it doesn't end how you testicles.

      Tags:
      • Language
      00
      Permalink
    • A creationist, an evolutionist, and Neanderthal Man walk into a bar. They order two beers and a glass of red wine. The bartender asks: "Will that be all?". The evolutionist says "Yes"

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • you mother is so stupid that it takes her quite a while to understand jokes

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma is so old, it's just irresponsible of her not to have regular doctor appointments. Health should always come first.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • yo momma is so fat her doctor recommended a new healthy diet.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "How'd you open the door?"

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Two Jews walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a wonderful time.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Jewish
      00
      Permalink
    • A bear walks into a bar, mauls every one in it, then is shot to death by animal control.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Sometimes people get confused when sentences don't end the way they elephant.

      Tags:
      • Elephant
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat, that she's working really hard to get back in shape so that she can support her family.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's of a reasonable figure and weight.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma is so fat that she is on a diet and exercises regularly.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • friends are like potatoes. if you eat them, they die.

      Tags:
      • Potato
      00
      Permalink
    • A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving in a car. They're on their way to the mall, or something.

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • Last night I saw an elephant in my pajamas. I don't know why I went to the zoo in my pajamas.

      Tags:
      • Zoo
      • Elephant
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • You know you are from New York when you live in Manhattan.

      Tags:
      • New York
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so ugly, she buys groceries at the grocery store.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your friend is so gay that he came out of the closet and was accepted warmly by his friends and family for who he is a human being.

      Tags:
      • Gay
      • Mother
      • Neighbor
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom was so stupid that she went back to school and now she is graduated with a degree.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A kid walked in to a bar, grabbed a napkin, and left

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma's so black, and that's ok. We're all different and unique.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so fat, we are all extremely concerned for her health.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your dad is so fat that he is on a diet.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so nice that she baked cookies for us. Please tell her I said thanks.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so hot your daddy married her and they lived happily ever after

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • if I could change the alphabet, I wouldn't its perfectly fine the way it is.

      Tags:
      • Alphabet
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so fat that her body takes up more space than the average woman.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat, when she went for a swim at the beach, she had a GREAT time.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your Mother is so kind that when I see her I say hello and ask her how she has been.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so ugly people don't like to look at her.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A blind man walks off a cliff.

      Tags:
      • Blindness
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mama is so fat she has to buy plus sized clothes.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Three minorities walk into a bar and are treated poorly

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • A blonde walks into a hairdressers salon. She gets her hair cut.

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      00
      Permalink
    • A blind man can't see this joke, so I probably shouldn't write it..

      Tags:
      • Blindness
      00
      Permalink
    • Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • There was a blonde, brunette and a red head on an island. The blonde was on holiday, the brunette lived there and the red head was there on business, it was a very large and industrial island.

      Tags:
      • Blonde
      • Business
      00
      Permalink
    • A duck walks into a bar and is quickly shooed away because it is unsanitary to have a duck in a bar.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Duck
      00
      Permalink
    • You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

      Tags:
      • Bank
      00
      Permalink
    • Three head lice are drinking beer on a scalp, then they are killed by a high strength medical shampoo.

      Tags:
      • Drinking
      • Strength
      00
      Permalink
    • A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out as animals are not allowed.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so fat she went on the Subway diet and is now exercising regularly to lose weight.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • If Chuck Norris has $5 and you have $5, you both have the same amount of money

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris walked into a bar. He was greeted with much respect considering he was a talented actor.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so old, she might die soon

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so ugly that she often finds it difficult attracting members of the opposite sex.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A dyslexic man walked into a bar, ordered a beer, and no one was aware of his affliction.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Dyslexia
      00
      Permalink
    • Your mother is so stupid that she was tested and proved to be mentally retarded.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic.

      Tags:
      • Dyslexia
      00
      Permalink
    • Three blind mice walk into a pub. They are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      00
      Permalink
    • A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies "My wife is dying of terminal cancer."

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Horse
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Duck
      00
      Permalink
    • There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Irish
      • Jewish
      00
      Permalink
    • Your friend is so gay, he has consensual sex with other men. and enjoys it.

      Tags:
      • Gay
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

      Tags:
      • Dyslexia
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, when she plays football she plays offense and defense.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      • Football
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, she could sell shade.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Probability
      00
      Permalink
    • An Intel PC has four protections modes: Abort, Retry, Fail and Reboot.

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so greasy, she sweats Crisco!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

      Tags:
      • Tree
      • Autumn
      • Science
      • Roundhouse
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so stupid, she traded in her car for gas money!

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so ugly, she'd scare the monster out of Loch Ness.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Mother
      • Monster
      00
      Permalink
    • Married men live longer than a single men, but married men are lot more willing to die!

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • one day I found a dinosaur named Matthew Espinosa

      Tags:
      • Dinosaur
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      • Boomerang
      00
      Permalink
    • I have an inferiority complex, it's just not a very good one.

      00
      Permalink
    • After chuck norris visited the virgin Isles they had to rename them the Isles.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so old, when God said "Let there be light!" she flipped the switch.

      Tags:
      • God
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Idiot
      • Telephone
      • Telephone
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, it took me two planes and a bus to get to her good side!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so stupid she can't pass a blood test.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the Earth down.

      Tags:
      • Earth
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so ugly when she went into a bank they turned off the security cameras.

      Tags:
      • Bank
      • Ugly
      • Mother
      • Security
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so dumb she brought a spoon to the Super-Bowl.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Super Bowl
      00
      Permalink
    • The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

      Tags:
      • Vacuum
      • Microsoft
      00
      Permalink
    • Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother in Law.

      Tags:
      • Mother In Law
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so dumb she thought a quarter back was a refund!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • A Scottish captain once lent the referee a coin for the toss and demanded his whistle as security.

      Tags:
      • Scottish
      • Security
      00
      Permalink
    • Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?

      Tags:
      • Killing
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so fat, her watch is Big Ben.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • The U.S Military has stopped dropping bombs in Iraq, and started dropping Chuck Norris, because he's cheaper and he does more damage.

      Tags:
      • Bomb
      • Iraq
      • Military
      • Chuck Norris
      11
      Permalink
    • I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "mother in Law" you get the words "woman Hitler".

      Tags:
      • Mother In Law
      00
      Permalink
    • Absolute zero is really cool.

      00
      Permalink
    • The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chocolate
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so dirty, that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so greasy, Texaco buys Oil from her!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so fat, when she told me her weight, I thought it was her credit card number!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is like a bus, she's big, she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • War
      • Science
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

      Tags:
      • Fly
      • God
      • Strength
      • Roundhouse
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat that her driver's license says: "Picture continued on other side!"

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Driver's License
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat even Chuck Norris can't beat her up!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so ugly, when she got in the tub, the water jumped out.

      Tags:
      • Bath
      • Ugly
      • Water
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat when she was lying on the beach Green Peace tried to push her back in the water.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Beach
      • Whale
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.

      Tags:
      • Windows
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Windows 95: The first program, having its best-before-date include in its name.

      Tags:
      • Bug
      • Windows
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Time
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • To err is human; effective mayhem requires the root password!

      Tags:
      • Password
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so poor, when I ring the doorbell she says "DING!"

      Tags:
      • Poor
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • PMS is something that makes a woman act once a month like a man acts every day.

      Tags:
      • PMS
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so stupid, she puts lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make up her mind.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Lipstick
      00
      Permalink
    • Killing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

      Tags:
      • Peace
      • Fucking
      • Killing
      • Virginity
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, she needs planning permission to sit down.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so ugly when she was born, her mother said: "What a treasure!" and her father said: "Yea lets go bury it!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      • Treasure
      00
      Permalink
    • Definition of pornography: Reading material to be held in *one* hand!

      Tags:
      • Reading
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, her ass has its own congressman.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      • Congress
      00
      Permalink
    • Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Men
      • Memory
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so ugly, on halloween, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone!

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Mother
      • Halloween
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so bald you can see whats on her mind.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Hmm it looks like your site ate my first comment it was extremely ecebddbacbcbddee

      Tags:
      • IRS
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's glasses are so thick, she can see into the future.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris does not take showers, he just takes bloodbaths.

      Tags:
      • Bath
      • Shower
      • Chuck Norris
      11
      Permalink
    • Your mumma's so fat when she goes to McDonald's they ask her what she doesn't want!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • McDonalds
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so ugly, even the tide won't come back in.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God, but God believes in Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • God
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so gassy, she started global warming!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat she don't have to go on the internet, she is already world wide!

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      • Internet
      00
      Permalink
    • The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Death
      00
      Permalink
    • 4 out of 5 doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any aspirin.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      • Lawyer
      • Aspirin
      00
      Permalink
    • If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so dumb she got hit by a parked car.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so stupid she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, she has her own area code.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma is so dumb, she stuck the phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat. She puts on lipstick with a paint roller.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Paint
      • Mother
      • Lipstick
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat, Jabba the Hutt said "DAMN"!!!!

      00
      Permalink
    • I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"

      Tags:
      • Fishing
      • Husband
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so dumb she threw a stone at the ground and missed.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

      Tags:
      • Bridge
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, when she gets on the scale it says "To be continued."

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Woman: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Women
      00
      Permalink
    • It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

      00
      Permalink
    • Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing.

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Waitress
      00
      Permalink
    • The sun sets from fear of Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Fear
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

      Tags:
      • Poor
      • Mother
      • Chicken
      • Kentucky
      00
      Permalink
    • Phone answering machine message: "If you want to purchase some weed, press the hash key!"

      00
      Permalink
    • The Titanic didn't hit an iceberg, it got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Roundhouse
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

      Tags:
      • Poor
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, the horse on her polo shirt is real.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Horse
      • Animal
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Artificial Intelligence stands no chance against Natural Stupidity.

      Tags:
      • Idiot
      • Intelligence
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so ugly I took her to the zoo and the guy at the gate said: "Thanks for bringing her back!"

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma so ugly, she asked for Trump's number, and he said, "Request denied!"

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • !rotinom ruoy edisni kcuts m'I ,pleH

      Tags:
      • Asshole
      00
      Permalink
    • Your momma's so hairy it looks like shes got buckwheat in a headlock

      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said "3rd tree to your right."

      Tags:
      • Poor
      • Tree
      • Mother
      • Bathroom
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so stupid, that she tucks the sleeping pills in every night so they will remain sleeping!

      Tags:
      • Sleep
      00
      Permalink
    • Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

      Tags:
      • Birth control
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so hairy, the only language she speaks is wookiee.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Language
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Butt
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • God
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing somebody with a knife is too easy.

      Tags:
      • Body
      • Killing
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Proper punctuation and grammar is what changes the statement, "Get off of that dick!" to, "Get off of that, Dick!"

      Tags:
      • Change
      • Grammar
      00
      Permalink
    • Linux - the ideal operating system for CPUs that are never powered up.

      Tags:
      • Linux
      • Computer
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, she uses a mattress as a tampon.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, every time she farts people think there's an earthquake!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Earthquake
      00
      Permalink
    • Police Quote: "In God we trust, all others are suspects."

      Tags:
      • God
      • Police
      • America
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each timezone.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Time
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.

      Tags:
      • Sick
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat when she steps on a scale it says "Whoa, whoa, one at a time please!"

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!

      00
      Permalink
    • There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

      Tags:
      • Law
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • Committee: a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

      Tags:
      • Men
      • Committee
      00
      Permalink
    • If Noah had been smart he would have swatted those two flies.

      00
      Permalink
    • Last night the local peeping Tom knocked on my mother in Law's door, and asked her to shut her blinds.

      Tags:
      • Blindness
      • Mother In Law
      00
      Permalink
    • Yo momma has so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail!

      Tags:
      • Mother
      00
      Permalink
    • The two most common things in universe are hydrogen and bureaucracy.

      Tags:
      • Hydrogen
      • Universe
      00
      Permalink
    • When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

      Tags:
      • Doctor
      • Surgery
      • Anesthesia
      • Chuck Norris
      11
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      • Carmen Sandiego
      00
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

      Tags:
      • Father
      • Virginity
      • Chuck Norris
      00
      Permalink
    • A zen buddhist goes to a hotdog truck and says "Please, make me one with everything."

      Tags:
      • Hot dog
      • Buddhism
      00
      Permalink
    • I hate being bipolar, it's great!

      Tags:
      • Bipolar
      • Mental Health
      00
      Permalink
    • An Irishman walks out of a bar.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Irish
      00
      Permalink
    • Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!

      Tags:
      • Wife
      • Money
      • Marriage
      01
      Permalink
    • Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      01
      Permalink
    • While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.

      Tags:
      • Sport
      • Travel
      • Holiday
      • Chuck Norris
      01
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can experience a once in a life time occurrence... twice.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      01
      Permalink
    • Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

      Tags:
      • Game
      • Chuck Norris
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma so stupid, she thought seaweed is something fish smoke.

      Tags:
      • Fish
      • Marijuana
      • Idiot
      01
      Permalink
    • I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

      Tags:
      • Animal
      01
      Permalink
    • Even after muting "Walker, Texas Ranger", you can still hear Chuck Norris's victims screaming after getting roundhouse kicked.

      Tags:
      • Chuck Norris
      01
      Permalink
    • If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".

      Tags:
      • Health
      • Chuck Norris
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so fat; she's on both sides of the family!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so old that when she went to the museum, people thought she was part of an exhibit.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      01
      Permalink
    • My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Fitness
      01
      Permalink
    • Travel agency named "Bermuda triangle" – Let us meet on the other side.

      Tags:
      • Death
      • Travel
      01
      Permalink
    • Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

      Tags:
      • Facebook
      01
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.

      Tags:
      • Money
      • Music
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat she don't take pictures, she takes posters.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • God
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mamma so fat she walked into the upside down and it immediately turn right side up-

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Insulting
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mama is so fat Donald Trump used her as the wall.

      Tags:
      • Politics
      • Insulting
      01
      Permalink
    • You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.

      Tags:
      • College
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo Momma's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Idiot
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat she was in a parallel universe.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      01
      Permalink
    • I love math - it makes people cry.

      Tags:
      • Math
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat even Donald Trump can't make as big of a wall as her.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Politics
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.

      Tags:
      • Work
      • Catholic
      • Children
      01
      Permalink
    • Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

      Tags:
      • Sex
      • Time
      • Viagra
      01
      Permalink
    • Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.

      Tags:
      • Technology
      • Nerd
      • Relationship
      • Technology
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mama so fat, when a Mexican saw her near the border they said,"this must be Trump wall".

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mexican
      • Insulting
      01
      Permalink
    • You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.

      Tags:
      • Car
      • Money
      • Politics
      • Republican
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo' Mama is so stupid, you need to put your head up her ass to get her perspective.

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      • Idiot
      01
      Permalink
    • After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.

      Tags:
      • Marriage
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so lactose intolerant, human kindness makes her throw up!

      Tags:
      • Insulting
      01
      Permalink
    • Republicans say "Merry Christmas!"

      Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"

      Tags:
      • Christmas
      01
      Permalink
    • A Frenchman stays and fights

      Tags:
      • France
      01
      Permalink
    • A man walks into a bar, the bartender goes why do you have a cane? The man goes "I'm blind."

      Tags:
      • Bar
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so fat, when she wears a bathing suit, people are like, wow, that woman is fat.

      Tags:
      • Fat
      • Mother
      01
      Permalink
    • Your Mother is so stupid that not only can she not perform basic mathematical sums, but she frequently makes spelling errors

      Tags:
      • Mother
      • Spelling
      01
      Permalink
    • An elephant and a llama walk into a bar. Realizing that they must have broken out of the local zoo, all of the people run out of the bar screaming.

      Tags:
      • Bar
      • Zoo
      • Elephant
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo mama's so poor she is on welfare.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      01
      Permalink
    • Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so dark, that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.

      Tags:
      • Mother
      01
      Permalink
    • Yo momma is so ugly, she makes blind children cry.

      Tags:
      • Ugly
      • Mother
      • Children
      • Blindness
      01
      Permalink
    • Every restaurant has a drive thru when you're riding shotgun with Chuck Norris.

      Tags:
      • Food
      • Chuck Norris
      02
      Permalink
    • You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!

      Tags:
      • Animal
      • Idiot
      02
      Permalink